Five ; Don't delude yourself

It's ME, again. Right ?

I am aware of my own doings. I apologised. Is that what you want ? I'm so sorry for not talking much. Perchance people don't understand me, seriously. Who does, actually ? Really. Yet found one to be. Who knows, there might be one. I think. Having less talk leads you to thinking that I don't bother. Having less talk leads to misunderstanding. Just what is right what is wrong ?

At times I will think, "What if I'm a mute ?" I wouldn't talk for the whole day in school and I will attend school in the morning just like this and heading home just like that. Life will be of silence. It will not lead to any troubles, misunderstandings and everything that makes me feel troubled and vexed. Why be bothered ? Leading happy peaceful life.

I'm not only treating you this way. There's people out there whom I barely talk to. Does that mean that I'm having negative views upon them ? No right. Excatly what do you want me to talk ? I'm not really those who is able to talk a lot. I do to certain friends. They are so limited and rare. Not bias but it's the relationship I had with that person. How close we are. What do you want me to do, realllyyyyyy.

Dislike me, so be it. Like me, so be it. It's your own opinon of me. Why should I be bothered why should I change for people ? It's the courage to be your own true self and not putting on a mask before your face. I can't change the fact and the perspective on how you view things. You are you, I am me and just myself.

Humans are sensitive, indeed. ____ ! What did I do just to lead those thinkings to you ? Why are there humans on Earth ? Often, I think, "Why are there humans on Earth ? If there's no humans, there's no Earth there isn't a living in this world. There's no communication no troubles no worries no studies everything. There won't even be thinking that I am thinking currently." You don't get me, it is alright. Because I don't need you to. I'm bewildered by myself too, lol.

I've no heart for you. I've no concern for you. Are you sure ? Don't jump into conclusions. If you do, yah lah yah lah. You are right you are right lah. Why are things so complicated? Why is it that history is repeating itself ? Since it's a history shouldn't it all be in the past ? Why is it happening before my eyes again and same person ? Since it is the history, am I gonna repeat the same thing and be the one to give in once again, first ? Am I gonna apologise first ? Sad to hear those and ludicrous I find it. W-h-a-t-e-v-e-r.

Why am I always the one ? Why why why ? Reason being : I'm the cause of it. OR is it just because there's misunderstandings ? OR is it people are jumping into conclusions. FINE. A poor chap. Things turned out to be so miserable.

Previous time. I solved it myself. Resulting myself to suffer for days and weeks. I feel guilty actually. You was really upset. I didn't know it was such a great impact on you. I knew things shouldn't stay on that way, I apologised. However, you are aware of the reason behind it. I find myself always the one giving in first. I'm just one. I was wrong, always.

Now, I don't know. Sorry ?

"Sorry" is the first word in my dicitionary. Is it ?